Page: 60
Anastasia was long rumoredAnastasia was long rumored
to be the only member ofto be the only member of
the Russian imperial familythe Russian imperial family
to escape executionto escape execution
by the Bolsheviks.by the Bolsheviks.
1. 1.
it has begunit has begun
the rainthe rain
the rain-the rain-
shaped sleepshaped sleep
of women who nod in doorwaysof women who nod in doorways
dreaming of good timesdreaming of good times
bars and indianbars and indian
summersummer
2. 2.
in the dreamin the dream
picture it ispicture it is
august i amaugust i am
standing on the grassstanding on the grass
beside blue waterbeside blue water
i am sixteeni am sixteen
full of zen andfull of zen and
existentialismexistentialism
acid lust wearingacid lust wearing
a two piecea two piece
bathing suit ibathing suit i
had my body thenhad my body then
browned, frowningbrowned, frowning
bored as havanabored as havana
before the revolutionbefore the revolution
3. 3.
in my mother's house there arein my mother's house there are
shelves well stocked withshelves well stocked with
cans, mixes, paper products.cans, mixes, paper products.
dreams of land. dreamsdreams of land. dreams
of flight to the country.of flight to the country.
these white-skinned dreamsthese white-skinned dreams
of cities without color,of cities without color,
catastrophes we do not name,catastrophes we do not name,
these dreams of dreamless sleep,these dreams of dreamless sleep,
remembering nothing.remembering nothing.
4.4.
she hid joints of muttonshe hid joints of mutton
beneath her skirtbeneath her skirt
her pockets bulgedher pockets bulged
pounds of butterpounds of butter
whole hams in her suit-whole hams in her suit-
case the good bittercase the good bitter
taste of real coffeetaste of real coffee
in her mouth she roamedin her mouth she roamed
streets freelystreets freely
the soldiers neverthe soldiers never
caught her the jewscaught her the jews
trooped off to treblinkatrooped off to treblinka
5. 5.
in vietnam arthritisin vietnam arthritis
is common due tois common due to
months years spent crouchedmonths years spent crouched
in damp bomb sheltersin damp bomb shelters
and i remember myand i remember my
mother's softmother's soft
face skin with theface skin with the
fallout scarefallout scare
shelter with theshelter with the
shelves lined withshelves lined with
canned peachescanned peaches
jugs of waterjugs of water
the nuclear familythe nuclear family
in the atomic age andin the atomic age and
SAC is in the airSAC is in the air
the bay of pigs cubanthe bay of pigs cuban
missile crisis got stuck in my childhoodmissile crisis got stuck in my childhood
throat my motherthroat my mother
moved the ironmoved the iron
back and forth sheback and forth she
listened about suezlistened about suez
on the radioon the radio
and mother still writes how sheand mother still writes how she
hopes, keeps her shelveshopes, keeps her shelves
stocked, how she helpsstocked, how she helps
these expatriate vietnamesethese expatriate vietnamese
who can't find jobswho can't find jobs
in their adopted countryin their adopted country
6.6.
please give me a little pieceplease give me a little piece
of meat forof meat for
i cannot eat your breadi cannot eat your bread
your unhulled riceyour unhulled rice
for i am a princessfor i am a princess
in my own rightin my own right
countrycountry
my grandmother's facemy grandmother's face
was famouswas famous
in the ninetiesin the nineties
(and castro hid(and castro hid
in the mountainsin the mountains
the jungles coveredthe jungles covered
ho chi minhho chi minh
and mao is whisperedand mao is whispered
change from out of the northchange from out of the north
and lenin rode eastand lenin rode east
in a sealed trainin a sealed train
and iskra meansand iskra means
a single sparka single spark
can start a prairie fire)can start a prairie fire)
and we cameand we came
unto neonunto neon
dollar signeddollar signed
miamimiami
7.7.
the yearsthe years
her mother singingher mother singing
in her hairin her hair
you are the rightfulyou are the rightful
empressempress
anastasiaanastasia
but she wakes in nightmarebut she wakes in nightmare
screaming this wordscreaming this word
"pretender""pretender"
mothermother
what really happenedwhat really happened
in that cellarin that cellar
8.8.
the streets get colderthe streets get colder
she grows more wearyshe grows more weary
of lies, potatoes,of lies, potatoes,
her motherher mother
still mourning the tsar.still mourning the tsar.
her room looks outher room looks out
on an airshaft. the carpeton an airshaft. the carpet
is worn. the bronxis worn. the bronx
is burning. she never saw the neva.is burning. she never saw the neva.
she pawns the lastshe pawns the last
of the icons.of the icons.
9.9.
in spring she crossesin spring she crosses
over, joinsover, joins
the resistance.the resistance.
Page: 61
10.10.
this novemberthis november
city is upcity is up
tight. in midtowntight. in midtown
the ibm selectricsthe ibm selectrics
have been boltedhave been bolted
to the desksto the desks
of secretariesof secretaries
who are afraid, nowwho are afraid, now
to change jobs.to change jobs.
the druggists refusethe druggists refuse
to fill medicaidto fill medicaid
prescriptions.prescriptions.
a man has been shota man has been shot
for goingfor going
over the turnstiles.over the turnstiles.
we slept overnightwe slept overnight
on long island,on long island,
all the way out.all the way out.
i saw each graini saw each grain
of sand a differentof sand a different
color, stuffed shellscolor, stuffed shells
in my coat. i walkedin my coat. i walked
as before toward rainas before toward rain
down a beach shiningdown a beach shining
white through the storm,white through the storm,
watched the tidewatched the tide
turn once.turn once.
locked into the city,locked into the city,
i plan to quit my job.i plan to quit my job.
i must get a jacketi must get a jacket
with a workingwith a working
zipper, callzipper, call
the exterminator,the exterminator,
have a gate installedhave a gate installed
on the fire escapeon the fire escape
access window.access window.
Jan Clausen writes poetry, fiction, and critical prose. She is the author of a book of poems, After Touch (Out and Out Books, 1975) and "The Politics of Publishing and the Lesbian Community" (Sinister Wisdom, no. 2, 1977). With friends, she edits Conditions, a magazine of women's writing with emphasis on work by lesbians.